Why is dating so important?
We live in a culture that is more reserved or hesitates dating others. Our society has changed so much with online
dating, and dating apps like Tinder or Mutual.
I wonder if it is because we tend to be lazier to plan dates or if we
are more fearful. Perhaps it could be
linked to our social media and that has replaced personal face to face conversations
which make dating more difficult. Dallin
H. Oaks gave a talk about dating, and said that “the cultural tides in our
world run strongly against commitments in family relationships…and dating
involves commitment, even for a few hours.
Hanging out requires no commitments at least for the men if the women
provide the food and shelter.” These are
also ideas that we see on television with singles, they hang out with each
other, trying to figure out what to do, but rarely do we see men or women making
a planned date.
Dating is a way to get to know other people and see how they
interact with others and how they treat you individually. Dallin H. Oaks suggests that a date should be
paired off, planned, and paid for. You
can go on a date with others and it should have a plan of what you are going to
do prior to the date. It is so hard in
today’s culture when someone asks you out, and they pick you up, then ask, what
do you want to do? It seems like it is
up to the woman to then plan out the activity.
Whoever is asking the person on a date, should plan it, and tell the
other what the planned activity is so the other can dress accordingly, like
hiking or swimming. Whomever does the
asking should also pay for the activity, typically this should be the male, in
my opinion. Dating should be fun and
creative, it does not need to be expensive and over the top activities. It could involve cooking a meal together,
going on a walk or hike, and bringing a picnic lunch. It could involve playing a car or board game
and ice cream sundaes. Something the
date should include is time to converse and interact, watching a movie doesn’t
help you get to know someone, but it does help orchestrate cuddling.
Which brings me to the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model). It is a great theory and design on how relationships
should build on one another. It starts
out with a scale with: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch. For healthy relationships to build and
flourish, each section of the RAM should begin with Know, increase to trust, rely,
commit, and then to touch. Ideally, we
should start with each section going from high to low. So, knowing the person we are dating should
be higher than physical touch. Each
category should naturally progress for ideal relationship model. We too often skim the surface in our
relationship progression and rush to physical touch. We may not really know, trust, or rely on
someone we begin dating, but are quick to cuddle with them or make out by the
end of the date. This confuses us about
how we really feel about the person.
When we are too quick to physical touch, before we know or are committed
to that person, we become inappropriately attached and confused.
I feel that we need to spend the majority of our time
getting to know someone and building strong friendships. This increases our ability to rely on the
other person when challenges come and increases our commitment. Physical touch will come gradually and
naturally as we progress through this relationship model. Society in general has been approaching this
in reverse, beginning with one-night stand or hook-ups. This is not how we meet the people we want to
marry or develop relationships with.
This is how have cheap experiences that can lead to lower self-esteem
and broken hearts. I fell in love with
my best friend, so I am blessed. We
followed the RAM, we began as friends and dated for 3 years. We just celebrated our 25th
wedding anniversary and I am very grateful.
Marrying your best friend is the best advice I could give.
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