Making the Transition from Dating to Marriage

Dating can be such a magical time filled with endorphins, quality time, spontaneity, and endless bliss.  Hopefully during this time, you are able to see your companion in many types of situations that helped you trust, rely on, confide in, and really know this person.  Sometimes we don’t date long enough, and are in a hurry to plan the wedding and get married.   We seek after this “Happily Ever After” so quickly, that we may tend to overlook red flags or dismiss warning signs.  Dating for a longer period of time can help you see them as they really are, after they have become relaxed around you.  You may want to see how they treat their family members, pets or animals, how they interact with small children, how they deal with disappointments, and their work ethic.   Dating is the time that we can have fun getting to know someone, so be careful not to rush this process. 

Engagement generally follows dating and while this is an exciting time it can also be very stressful.  Too often, we focus so much on the wedding that we neglect to prepare for marriage.  The average cost of a wedding today is between $19,000 to $35,000.  These figures shocked me, I have had two daughters get married and it didn’t even come close to that.  Yet, so many young couples start out in debt trying to get the big ring, and have the dream wedding, regardless of the cost.  Many times, the parents can help with the cost but this can also be burdensome in different ways.  Usually the bride’s parents pay the majority of the wedding costs and this can make the young couple feel obligated to her parents.  Parents and the couple need to be careful in this area, and allow the process to strengthen the new bride and groom.  Many times, the bride and her mother plan the majority of the wedding, leaving the groom out of the planning.  This can lead to strain on the new couple, and possibly isolating to the groom.  Engaged couples should spend quality time together and prepare for their new life and how they are going to handle the new responsibilities.

Next comes marriage.  Newlyweds are infectious with affection, love, and mutual admiration.  My second daughter recently married and we just love seeing them together and the happiness that exudes from them.  This is not the experience for everyone, the first year can be really difficult as you are learning to blend two people’s separate lives into one.  Each spouse has come from different backgrounds, spending habits, and experiences.  This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, it simple means you need to learn how to merge your lives and make adjustments to your newly shared life.

Marriage is sacred and no other person, other relationship, or hobby should come in between the marriage relationship.  In Genesis 2:24 it says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”  This is possibly the hardest transition couples make, is leaving their old life and making a new one.  I don’t think this scripture means that you abandon your parents, extended family, and friends entirely, but you do need to reprioritize and restructure your newly formed family.  After talking to many different newly married couples, one of the biggest strains in their marriage are their relationships with the in-laws.  Which family do you spend the holidays with, how often should you call home, which family are you going to live by?  This can be extremely burdensome on a new couple.  In most cases, it is probably best to be on your own for a while, so that you can create an independence from parents, and learn how to depend on your spouse.  As a mother in law, this can be a difficult transition for the parents as well.  Letting your children go really pulls on your heartstrings, however, it is the best thing for your children to learn to live independent of you.  Sometimes girls’ nights and guys nights can become burdensome on a couple’s relationship, so you need to be mindful of activities that take you away from each other.  This doesn’t mean you need to give up everything you once loved because you get married.  You don’t, you should have some healthy individual activities that you enjoy.  It should mean that you re-evaluate the amount of time spent apart from your spouse, and perhaps find ways to include them in some of those activities.  Once you have committed to marriage, your spouse’s happiness should be your highest priority and supersede any other relationship. In Mark 10: 9, it says, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”