Stress in Relationships

Husband and wife ideally should be equally yoked together, and this relationship is above any other relationship.  There is a boundary that surrounds the couple, that supersedes other relationships.  The next closest relationship should be between the children, which also have certain boundaries.  When children are too close to one or both parents, they have a hard time breaking away from that relationship as they marry and begin a new marriage.  There are times when mothers put their children’s needs above their spouse’s, this can undermine the husband and his position in the family and more importantly the marriage. 

This can present a challenge when parents have become so close to children while they are being raised. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurturing of their children, and often she can be the one that has important discussions with them.  We should look for opportunities to include the father in these important discussions.  The children will eventually leave the home and this can leave a strain on the marital relationship, if the focus has been primarily on the children and not the marriage.  One of the highest rates of divorce occurs as children leave the home and the husband and wife are left with only one another.  If they have not put their marriage as a high priority above all other relationships, they may find that they may have grown into living parallel lives.  This is a reason why date nights are important and finding things that you can share together as a couple.

I heard some advice recently from a woman who said you should set aside one day a week, one weekend a month, and one week a year for time with just you and your spouse.  Unfortunately, I heard this after my children are grown, but I think it is great advice.  We have been counseled by our church leaders to have a weekly date night for a reason.  There is so much stress in our lives with work, marriage, children, church responsibilities, education, etc.  Courtship after marriage is just as important for maintaining the relationship as it was in dating prior to marriage.  This can be difficult when funds are low and stress with children are high.  Nurturing marriage takes a lot of work and effort, but yields great blessings.

Life is full of stressful events and everyone experiences them, however it is how we respond to these things that determine our ability to work through and overcome them.  It may be easier to break down our stressors' to determine how to move forward and become more resilient.  Resilience is defined as the ability to spring back into shape, or how flexible we are as we experience struggle.  We need to assess our family resources and strengths to overcome and get through our specific challenges. 

When stress in marriage and family occurs, we should see it as an opportunity to assess where we are at, and how we can improve things.  If we are unhappy in our relationships, rather than place blame on the other person, we should see how we are contributing or withholding from individuals.  This applies to children as well as our spouses.  As we diagnose what we personally need and express this openly, honestly, and lovingly to those we love, we may begin to see change.  It may not be the change that you hope another person makes, but the changes you make within yourself.  This is where change begins, with you.  We cannot change or control another person, we can influence them, but change is completely up to them.  The only thing we can ultimately control is ourselves.  I have personally learned that as I let go of anger, hurt, resentment, and betrayal, I free myself from those feelings that seek to destroy my peace.  I have only been able to do this with my Savior, Jesus Christ.  Studying His gospel, reading scriptures about His love, and the forgiveness He offered to others helps me overcome my natural feelings.  He is my exemplar and I have felt of His peace and redeeming love and it is available to everyone.